Being human, I do ask why. And I have so many why’s to Jesus more than I could ever think or imagine, many of them are too private to post. There are so many things that were and are just too hard to comprehend. So many events that makes my eyes roll up and down. So many unpleasant surprises that gives ulcers, mouth sores, and high blood pressure. So many tears had been shed. So many plans that have been aborted. So many prayers that are yet to be answered. So many dreams that don’t come true. So many unfairness.
I acted like a child who really wanted to have the expensive toys at toy kingdom. The pillow had been hugged so tightly that if it has a life, it could have shouted, “STOP THE DRAMA!!!. My fingers covered my face, not wanting to look UP because I am so offended of His ways. My brain razed in contrast into the whys of the will but isn’t it a waste of ink and thought when what is written is contrary to what has been happening.
The heart pounded in constant desperation and with so much disappointment because what’s in the imagination is not taking place. Yet, with all these constant despair and the constant flow of tears, it didn’t change any except that the eyes bulge like a 120 years old woman who wanted to die and the bones turned like a sharp stick existing like a walking dead.
It’s just so hopeless to over think about the why’s and to figure out the depth orchestration that has been taking place behind the scene.
Yet then again, in His endless grace, the why’s become the turning point of looking up to Jesus. Was it fair for Him to die in that rugged cross? Was it fair for Him to shed His blood and to go through times too hard and is beyond the hardest I could ever thought about? Was it fair for Him to die when He did not even sin? Was it fair for Him to be here on earth, giving His life sincerely to people only to be denied and to be betrayed? Was it fair for Him to be born in the manger and to have no mansion to live when He is the King of kings and the Lord of lords?
Jesus has all the rights to shout all the why’s but He didn’t. He has all the rights to condemn mankind in all it’s filthiness and in so doing He has to die but He didn’t. It could have been so painful for Him to go through the most unpleasant task ever on His shoulder but instead He carried it in the perspective of joy. He finished it till the end.
And in all my thoughts of why, Jesus makes His presence felt. He never blamed my faithlessness. He never condemned my being in constant falling short. He never look at me with disappointment.
His look of compassion melted my heart and instead of the why Lord, He changed my heart and with His Divine Love which is incomprehensible, my heart meet His, it change it’s language to I’m sorry Lord.
It’s just so awesome to see Jesus in the why’s because life might still be too hard to understand, it doesn’t matter anymore for as long as I know that He is there.