It’s evening way down to dawn but I am still widely awake. My heart is oozing in His Mighty power, His great love, His being alive, and His presence gives purpose and meaning in my life. A while back, it feels a little empty that my soul is gasping for breath, a soul that longed its purpose. I deceived myself by being lost in the internet magnet. I status the best statuses there is that may make people think that I am over religious. I read a magazine and get lost in its various colours. I called my boyfriend and talked to him about what is going on, the ups and downs, the roller coaster emotions that are so deceiving if allowed. I watched television and be one with the news, being so attached in plain humanity. I watched movies, hoping that it will make me fall asleep, but failed to make it to the end for its moral contradicts mine. I eat, read books, and followed the stars in the religious and non-religious arena. I dreamed and write my goals in my beautiful notebook, colored it so it will be beautiful for me to see but none in all there is, satisfies the hole there is within.
The songs praise Jesus in all its majesty but even as it is for Jesus, it did not complete the incomplete me. I just know that even if I know what to do, I escape what is perfect in the spirit beyond reason for no apparent intention. It could have been pride, the evident of a self-made woman plus the flesh that’s crying out loud, all wanting to make a proof.
In all its entirety, when all within me surrenders and pick up one manual which I don’t want to, humbled myself and in faith reads. As I cast out the deep hole into Him one more time, there came the overflow, the bubbling streams of hope and completeness, I just know no one could ever give. It looks weird to feel the encompassing peace when what surrounds you are nothing but chaosand indifference. It is odd to be so irrelevant in a place you call as the unit of society. It is uncanny to stay in a place where you are the only one you think believes in Whom they don’t completely believe. Yet there again, in the wide-ranging irrelevance and far-reaching insignificance, why in essence fight for a changing feelings proven to continue altering in a split second of time? And to tailor it down to essence and eternal importance, an evidence of a transformed life I choose to stay in the calmness of His presence, forgoing logic and reason.
Beyond all the actions that outwardly a synonym to success and victory in the world who lives in the mantra of to see is to believe, I take hold of what many considers bizarre, faith. And as I stayed widely awake, stirring my milk and milo poured together in one hot glass, and as I begin to take my eyes off of me, I see no one else but Him alone, JESUS.
And in all there are of reasons to be widely awake, I am still amazed that He made me so, an opportunity to gaze in the beauty of His Holiness.