Rewiring

I grew up a 100% focused woman that’s why when I was told that I should no longer go to school, I escaped away from home, volunteered to stay in my grandfather’s house and boldly told him that I will do whatever you want me to do, just send me to school. My grandfather, oh how he loves me, looked at me and asked if I asked permission and I just said in the most childish ways, no, I am not coming back home, yahoo. I was resilient, a great trait indeed to be the next woman President, in Buhisan hahaha and when my papa, blessed his heart went to pick me up, I did not go home with him but promised I will come back when I finished college. Take note, I was nine years old when I said that, something I don’t even know where it came from but I guess, it stems back from being a woman who loves to be challenged to win. I was a fighter, grrrrrr, hear me roar. The circumstance to bring me to college was so dim but my grandfather told me that “poverty is not a hindrance to success” and so without any Bible verses, I held to that forever quote as if it was no one but God was speaking to my heart. Well, it must have been Him anyway. I finished Elementary as salutatorian, I am just too humble to share that, after coming to school for 3 days over 5 days a week, well, that’s the  most that I could remember. I was assigned to clean the pantry, in short, kusina, hahaha and get water from the far away place in 2 gallons each one way, and yeah I had so much strength then, I guess it’s from Darna, no, just kidding. I do the grocery for our sari-sari store and my Lola Apring has been so trusting even to the point of just leaving me when she goes to Cebu because as she said, no jealousy please for the cousins, assuming, hahahaha that I can be trusted. Oh, how Lola kissed me with so much love love when she arrived back from Cebu and saw that our sari-sari store was flourishing. And when I am around in the store? No one can play me around and persuade that they can go into debt. My face was just so scary to them that they only come when they have a cash on hand. Thus, that was my first employment and I was their asset. That feels great.

The same way with high school, we sold ice candies and barbecues in the market, at the “Saturday Tabo” with my aunt and the first costumer service experience took place. No wonder, if I am interviewed in the call center and they challenged me to sell, I could sell, with God’s wisdom of course and I so loved it. Selling is a fun place to be and people are buying it. We always go home smiling from ear to ear because ours are all sold out and that’s where goal setting first took place. I don’t want to go home with all our goods and so the first strategic planning was birth in “Saturday Tabo” at Shamrock. I was never a quitter because I had a dream. The Lord give me the ability to focus and the strength of determination, I just really wonder where are they now that I am a Christian. Satan must stole it from me because he is a thief, well, I am coming in Jesus name. When I almost finished high school, I was thinking of going to college and to study in Cebu, well a dream come true but prior to that I wrote to all the people I knew I should. I remember that there was a visitor in our barangay, and I got her name and address and just when she went back to Cebu, I wrote her a letter that she hopefully will arrange a place for me to work so I will be able to study college as a working student I wrote to so many people but it was my aunt who responded. She must have so touched with how I played with words that when she visited my grandparents she right away said that she will send me to school. I was in a cloud nine. A month after my graduation, after speaking with my sisters and brother, I bravely sailed my way to Cebu with my Ate Ditch and there we two cried like we’ve never cried before. I cried every night but worked like a horse because I was driven with a dream.

It was there that I had an encounter with Jesus. I was invited for a Bible Study and  I had so many questions that I need an answer from God. It was there that the Lord spoke to me in James 1:12 that says, blessed is the man that perseveres under trial because when he stood the test, he will receive the crown of life which is God’s promise to those who loves them.” It was a trial after trial. I was almost not accepted in one of the Universities in Cebu because I looked foolish and with the looks that came from the mountain. I talked to so many teachers until I came to see the nicest one whose heart must be moved by God, she listened to me, requiring me to talk in English, and with a limited English, I mustered to speak and it was there that my negotiating skills has been born. Long after, I was trapped with religion without having a deep encounter with Jesus. I forgot my dreams and the dreams that He placed in my heart. I appeared to be religious which I believe so but I was bound in the spirit of fear until I had a problem with mild depression. I was angry, bitter, greedy, defensive, and so much more and instead of becoming like Jesus Christ, I became too much of a Pharisee and a Saducee and it was so hard to get out from there. Thankfully, Jesus sets me free and whom the Son sets free is free indeed.

I don’t point my fingers and blamed people of how I had become. The reason why I was trapped was because I was addicted to approval which was consequently given to me by hundreds of people and I placed my identity in there. When it slowly diminished because you don’t always be the best as the time goes by, it definitely ruined my way of thinking and in return I became a person who was so hard to be dealt with.

I know that there is no wasted experience in God and the present is Jesus doing a rewiring so I’ll be who God has created me to be. Today is learning how to hear Jesus in my heart and to be so trusting by exactly doing what He says. Rewiring may take some time but I am pretty sure that to be placed in the hilltop is about to come so it shines.

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