Sitting in this read foam in the midst of too much “kainit” even when this electric fan dutifully gives air, in reflection, I am totally amused over the power of love. It was just last year that the world seemed falling apart and the people who shouted that they loved me slowly showed their true colors, and in the process just become silent when the heat was on for me. It was too stressful and too tiring especially when you see in the eyes of men the look of judgement. It was too hard to leave a place whom you have given all your soul but the hardest too when the person whom you see as the one leading you text you to please go.
I left with nothing on my hand. I was bankrupt emotionally, zero financially, weak physically, and lost spiritually. There was no doubt about the presence of God but it was a circus of too much pain.
Yet then again, it was a form a stretching on my end. My perseverance was stretched in the same way as my faith was stretched. I was excited when the day becomes night because I wanted that day to be today. In the process of going through too much pain was a love shown by people who seemed silent but strong.
My boyfriend who seemed to have no voice stood and walk through the fire with me. He seldomed spoke but when he does, it wasn’t judgment, it was the same dialogue all over again, “love ka ni Lord.” He stood for me in those trying times when the rest of the people whom I have served with slowly faded. A person I once proudly declared as best friend texted me judgmentally, something I never expect I will ever received. My love’s constant presence despite his inconvenience helped me see tomorrow with hope. He allowed me to cry and reflect even risked his life being around me when I appeared crazy. Every time I am with him, it feels like talking to Jesus. He waited for me during interviews like a father who waited for her daughter from school. He smiled from a distance when I felt I can’t. He dutifully gives me allowance like a husband to his wife. He took care of me when everyone left me. He laughs when I laughs and lifted me up most of the time because I was down most of the time. He was his constant him. He just stood with me in silence.
I guess the main reason why the Lord was confident enough to let me walk through the fire was because I was no longer alone. He makes His presence being felt by giving me someone who truthfully loves me even when I was no longer known. When the position attached to my name has been taken away from me, the crowd left me slowly but I was and still am glad to have someone who simply loves me as me and not because of the position that was attached to my name.
As I walked down the old stairs we have at home, I could not help but thank Jesus for loving me enough by not leaving me alone.
“The truth is, in life, we will at times be walking through the storm and through the fire. We don’t need too much noise to make our presence being felt. We just need a presence that may seemed silent but a presence who never leave but stayed.”
Today, I can confidently say, that I am healed and set free. I wish to boldly say, that, it’s because I am strong and one of a kind but the truth is, I can’t walk this way without you loving me.
And I wish that I can point everything to you, but I am sure too that if Jesus did not speak to you, you will never love me the way you do.
Jesus love conquers the fire and the storm and it becomes beautiful too because He uses you to stay with me so I will not be alone as I will be walking it through.