Help! I’m Wondering

Waking up totally late from the time I set to wake up and while I can still do what I have written down, I feel a little guilty that I broke my routine. I simply needed a daily routine so my body will get used into it and I will not go back to a day of despair. The internet was still on and yeah it gives me  glimpses of how the people whom I admire lived their lives. I watched their photos, clicked it here and there and the more I looked at it, I just begin to feel a little bit irritated and mad on the inside.

I wonder why Lucy Torres Gomez seemed to be perfectly perfect in her physical features, why she’s born in a wealthy family, and why she’s calm, cool, and collected.

I wonder why Terri Savelle Foy seemed perfectly fine, developed her daily routine, has a vision for herself, writes one book a year, preached to countless congregations, and has a happy disposition in life while at the same time rich.

I wonder why Rica Peralejo Bonifacio’s blog seemed flawless with countless followers, with having a family to boast, a flourishing writing career, a travel she enjoys, a new show she said she loves, plus, not to mention how beautiful she really is in her nice house with her Pastor Husband.

The more I clicked, the more I wonder and wander. At one point I want to be like her, then I found myself wanting to be like the other her and the cycle continues.

Today, I like to be wealthy because they are wealthy, the next day, I want to preach because she preached, then, I want to be a politician because she is, then I want to work because working seemed to be the million and one reason to be in.

I sit here wondering and wandering. Then confusion hits me like I am being electricuted. Who Am I? I begin to be so into them that I don’t even notice how time flies and my very own identity has been taken away from me.

Then something on the inside of me tells me to enjoy my moment. The experience of being able to stay at home because one day, when life offers a full blown busyness, it is not going to be as wonderful as today.

I’m whisphered to see everyday in line with eternity because the riches in this world, the fame, the power, the physical beauty, isn’t going to last forever. That I am simply a foreigner in this world and that there’s heaven to look forward to.

And then as I always hear time and time again, to enjoy the uniqueness in me. That I can’t ever be like Lucy Torres Gomez. That I can’t be Terri Savelle Foy. That I can’t be like Rica Peralejo Bonifacio. That I can’t be Chelsea Smith. That I can’t be like Victoria Osteen. That I can’t be like Shalani Soledad.That I can’t be Chris Cook. That I can’t be like my sister in law who knows everything and can do everything. That I can’t be like my sister Cecile who is the number one risk taker and has the positive vibes to boast no matter what life brings her plus no one can match her generosity except the generosity of God. That I can’t be like Fen Figura Vader who is a career woman and can’t seemed to stay in the house. That I can’t be like anybody else, nor their can be anyone who will exactly be like me.

And Yes I am Me. The blogger who can write without thinking and people said my write ups are pretty much amazing. And honestly, I still find it too amazing and humbled. Thank you so much Jesus. That I am a light hearted woman who is too carefree whom others said, I definitely don’t care. That I am the most content and happy house girlfriend, who can stay at home reading, writing, and it’s fine with me if I can’t go to social events. That I love washing the plates, doing laundry, cleaning the house, and everything that is arranged and organized makes me generally happy. That I love praying and spending time with Jesus, writing my prayer requests down and putting red besides every prayer date overjoyed me because it’s wonderfully answered. That I love to do anything spontaneous because too much routine bores me to death.

I’ve got what I exactly wants, the supernatural peace, joy, and righteousness.

It’s totally liberating to start a day and begin to accept that God never makes a mistake in creating me and that to fulfill my destiny, I have to be the first person who will gladly accept me. That my worth isn’t on how much I received but on how much I am being loved and accepted by the One who had me first in mind.

What’s next in me isn’t in my plan but I am staying close to Him so that I can do His plans and just be the best in it.

As of now, I am trained to completely trust in Jesus and maybe this year is a year of learning what it is really meant to trust someone who already knew my path beforehand.

So thanks much for reading and may you find pleasure in knowing the very you whom God has designed you to be.

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