Way back, I was super hypocrite, super religious, super a Pharisee, super idolatrous, super fearful, and super loyal to religious leaders. On Sundays, I put my best make up on, wear my new dress, shout as if filled with the Holy Spirit during worship transition to the Word, danced like King David (hahaha), prayed for the people as if filled with God’s power wohooo, I have the best form of Christianity ever.

Yet, behind closed doors, I was tip toeing when I see my so called leaders out of so much fear. Fear to be scolded of how I wore my dress, how I pronounced the words, that the transition was flat out dead and its my fault, that there are only few people who come to church and I’m not doing my job and so much more.

Behind the scene, I was an insecure woman who thought attention makes me complete. That I was a slanderer who barbecued my leaders. That I was a restless woman in the home and a horrible person to work with.

I was a white washed tomb who looked so awesome and worth imitating but so dirty on the inside. I tell people to yeah read their Bible daily but I did not read it daily.

I was 150% idolatrous having read magazines and transformed to be like Lucy Torres Gomez and Shalani Soledad. I looked amazing but I am too disgusting. I wanted to really change but I don’t know how. The only thing I know was that, I was always afraid. Afraid to be  found out that I am not who I am at home as I am in church. My integrity was super questionable and I was a multiple person which was so hard to maintain with. Years goes by, my instability multiplies and while my pastor then could see moods in me which he thought was PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome), I am the only person who knew what’s going on on the inside of me.

While I went through the dark tunnel coming out, I am just so thankful to have been uprooted so I can re-established my roots in the Lord Jesus Christ.

I am not afraid to be myself anymore. That I am not too into fashion. That I am not really talkative except to the people I really know. That I can be in the home with the Bible, the Books, the pens, and the notebooks, and I can be very happy. That I am not too hospitable because I don’t like to cook.

And now I realized that we only have One Being to please.  He is the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the Only audience who really matter. He is working in my integrity between me and Him.

Crowds don’t give me a thrill anymore. Attention isn’t inviting. Big things aren’t as big compared to being in a relationship to the Son Of God.

I still have dreams but it isn’t about what I want to see so people likes me but it’s about what Jesus would like me to do. After all, people will just come and go. Things get rusty. People’s admiration fades. But Jesus lives forever.

Friends, there is new mercy for you. You can start again. You can begin to walk in your new freedom in Christ. You can be the best you whom God designed you to be. He likes you. He loves you.

May this Sunday gives you freedom to be the you whom God created you to be.

Jesus Loves You🌻


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