Did you ever feel guilty? Like you said something and when your emotions wind down you wonder why did you ever said those dumb words? Then slowly the voice of “you ain’t no good flow down from your head to your feet”? And then you begin to feel like you don’t deserve any good chances in life because you messed up.
I feel that so many times. There were times that I wanted to stop blogging and stop meditating on His Words because I blew it again and again. I can’t understand why I am so undisciplined that I can’t follow my own rules for myself. For so may times then, I covered my head with my pillow out of so much shame.
I remember coming to God when I was working saying, “You are so unfair. How come these unbelievers make it always at the top when they are even partying, drinking, cursing, and yet they have a sharp mind and the training is too easy for them? How come that I am struggling? How come that I can’t understand quickly like them? You said that I have the mind of Christ but how come that I am so dull?”
I was having a drama session to the Lord because I was thinking that I will not be endorsed to the floor because I was too slow to pick up while on training.
When I reported and everyone of us where called, my trainor told me that “I don’t know why I have a soft spot on you but every time you enter the room, you lightened the room. I want to see you on the floor.” I kept quiet. I respectfully thank him but I was so ashamed before God. For two months, I did not pray out of shame. I was stunned. The Lord has been working behind the scene and there I was charging Him as unfair.
Then one day, I saw a vision. I saw myself in the Presence of Our Heavenly Father kneeling down asking for forgiveness while being escorted by Jesus Christ Himself. Jesus Christ, my ultimate idol, my ever present interecessor must have been interceeding for me then. There I discovered that when prayers can’t be heard from me out of anguish, Jesus Himself stood up and will stand up for me. When I was too ashamed to enter in the throne of Grace, He escorted me. When I am too tired to keep on believing, His Grace sustains me. When I am too weak to stand and make a bold start in faith, His strengthens me.
Today, no matter how long the list of our mistakes will be, may we be reminded of Jesus. He is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. He died and shed His blood for us for Him to leave us. He is steadfast in His love and generous of His mercy. He heals us where we hurt and He gives us renewed hope and cheer when in doubt. He makes a way for us to the Father.
Therefore, regardless of our falls and mistakes, let us stand up and keep going with our eyes gazed upon Jesus Himself.
Truly, this life is meaningless, void, and empty without Jesus in the center on it. Jesus Christ always has the “I CAN” in our “I CAN’TS.”