Growing up, I guess I was being fed with all kinds of fears.
“Don’t cook, or you might get burned.” And so I associate kitchen as a dangerous place and cooking as bad activity except when I was asked to eat. Eating was fun especially if there were plenty and an agony when there’s lack.
“Don’t swim, or you will get drown.” Well, I was carried away by the ocean when I was six years old and that must be traumatic for parents who took care of their first born child only to be taken away by the sea they considered as their friend. However, I know how to swim a little bit now and I like watching the oceans but because of my experience, I am not comfortable swimming alone and even with other people or with friends.
Those were just glimpses of how fear whispered into my head growing up. While it seemed ridiculous to people who had been adventurously wired, I see that as love from my family who cares for me well enough and with a desire to see me safe until I will be 88 years old.
Let me be very vulnerable today and to let you know how FEAR does the talking in my life and how I slowly conquered it by the help of the Holy Spirit and God’s Word.
And even when I was constantly preaching and motivating people, I was eaten by my fears. What If’s kept talking into my head and it crippled me to death.
I remember being so scared that my boyfriend will leave me in exchange with another woman because I believe that I was so ugly and old and that even his own family will not be proud of me. And while I still hope that they will take pride of me, it’s not taking me out of the relationship anymore.
I remember procrastinating of my inner desire to apply for a job because I was so scared of not to be hired. And as I was hired, I can still recall how I constantly resigned and do AWOL because I was so afraid not to be regularized, meet with the requirements or to keep up with my tenured team mates.
I remember being too scared that I will have brain tumor when I experienced dizziness all the time, my blood pressure shoots off, and satan kept telling me that I will die. On top of that, a scary look on the doctor’s face when she said, I probably must have diabetes and must go through a thorough check up. Thankfully, no symptoms formed against me prospered.
I remember how afraid I was when my brother started driving the motorbike and how I always looked for his vehicle to lay hands and apply the blood of Jesus. It’s the same way when my boyfriend started driving as well. I prayed constantly and I still do now but not out of fear but out of trust.
And I remember how I was so scared to press AVAIL on AVAYA phone because I was so afraid that I might not be able to understand the customers and they might shout at me or laugh at my accent. To those working in the call center, this is something that you can relate so well unless with those brave souls.
As you can read, I was 150% worrier + 200% fearful + 500% complainer = A VERY TOXIC WOMAN TO BE AROUND WITH but I am not in that road any longer.
For two years, 2015 to 2016, the Lord has been very gracious to have taught me lasting lessons on how to break free from the bondage of complaints, fears, and worries and I hope that it may help each one of you as well.
SO HERE’S TO WHAT I LEARNED:
1) God is aware of the FUTURE and I have to trust Him in the PRESENT. So when I am beginning to be scared of what’s to come, I take a deep breath, and I just said, Lord, I am confident that You are aware of my tomorrow and I believe that you will take care of my concerns for today.
2) Enjoy your SEASON. But what if the season isn’t at its best? I experienced that a couple of times. I remember being too sick that I could not lifted up my hands, the pain was so terrible at dawn, and I had shortness of breath, I thought it was the end but He gave me the strength to stand up and stare at the trees that has been raged by the winds and then I heard these gentle words. “THE MORE PRESSURE THAT THE TREES RECEIVE FROM THE WINDS, THE VIBRANT AND GREEN AND STRONGER IT HAS BECOME.” This might be your pressure season but you can take pride of JESUS for giving you an enormous strength to win. Remember that Jesus in the pressure is ENOUGH to enjoy what you are facing in the moment.
3) Don’t google sickness, google the promises of HEALING. Looking back, I surfed in the internet what I started to believe as my sickness, symptoms, and cure of what the doctors has told me and it became so big enough for me to be so scared. I can still recall how the Holy Spirit has taught me not to drive my way to that route again. So, I googled HEALING SCRIPTURES instead. I filled my mind with His Words. I thought about it everyday until health and healing becomes a part of my thinking pattern. Someone said, IT’S EASY TO ARGUE WITH AN OPINION BUT IT’S SO HARD TO ARGUE WITH AN EXPERIENCE. I am God’s Miracle of His Healing Power and I was healed as I speak His Healing Words everyday.
4) Fill Your Minds With His Promises. There are so many opinions of people I know and I don’t know and I continue to give my respect to the uniqueness of humanity but I am very much convince that He who made the promise is faithful. HIS Words will not lie. I also watch people in you tube who has a testimony to match the tangible power of God to raise my faith everyday.
5) Hug the Moment. To have a consistent joy, I am learning to hug what’s now. I don’t fight it anymore. If I know that it’s a painful day, I’m sure it’s not going to be that way. And if it’s a joyful day too, I hug it tightly knowing that the next day might be a different kind joy.
6) Thank you JESUS journal. Everyday, I thank Jesus for what I have and if everything is really worst, I thank Him for the strength enough to write THANK YOU.
7) Save Up. Before, I was always scared of lack in the future until I realized that what I lack in the present is not using my common sense. To avoid financial fear, I will save in the sunshine like the ants do so that I can cuddle in my bed, drink coffee and blog on rainy days without the fear of money to hamper my day.
8) Be Constantly Aware Of God’s Fatherhood. Our physical dads can only do so much but not with my Papa God. He is my Hero. He can see what’s ahead that my earthly father won’t. I can tell Him all my fears and I am sure that He is taking good care of it real time. If a mom or a dad will do everything they can for their child, how much more our Heavenly Father who can see everything beyond what we can see. That’s ENOUGH to break free from worries, fears, and complaints for the day.
So there. I hope it enlightened you today. I hope that you will not let satan’s lies do the talking in your head. I hope that you can wake up with a spring on your feet knowing that you have a Heavenly Father who is concern of you and is working behind the scenes to give you daily victories. I hope that you too will be convinced that He will never leave you nor forsake you. I hope that you know that you know that you are not a spare part here on earth and what matters to you MATTERS TO PAPA GOD TOO.
HE LOVES YOU VERY VERY MUCH💞