Tear Flows

In life, there comes a time that you have no other encouragement to give, rather what’s left are hidden waters that rushed out as raging tears. That’s exactly what happens today. 

I am AHT challenged at work and if you are a call center agent, you understand. I am being challenged to perform and I don’t have enough juices to excrete, if there is, it’s nothing but a bitter liquid that might provide a worst taste to anyone who likes to lick. Then I was about to retreat into a solitary place like Jesus always does when I was followed by a pain in the neck reminder of my terrible performance for this month and week. I was aggravated,  worst, discouraged, and muttered, it’s enough, I’ve got enough, I wanna quit. And my bitter taste spread like wildflower to the blooming lilies and to my surprise, I’ve got their sweet encouragement/s I never thought I’ve received. 

And so to my dry parched emotion rain down river of tears that won’t stop falling just like a visiting rain longed and prayed by the prophet in the Bible. I absorbed like a sponge but still undecided on which road to take but through it all, I feel so blessed to have been showered by roses when I there’s nothing but thorn in both my path and ways. 

So in between sobs and ugly tears is the knowing that my Heavenly Father cares­čśó­čśé­čśä­čśâ

Thank You Jesus

I wake up so at peace and feeling grateful over what God has done. He has been my God of surprise, working behind the scene for my good. Before His scene came out from the open, I saw me crying the day I reached home. I dropped my bag and cried why. Why do I have a hard time understanding what I am doing? Why did I fail the QA’S and the trainor? Why did the people who did not profess God as their Lord made it to the top? Why are the drunkards and the promiscuous made it to be number one? Why I was always the last?

The truth is, it is always at home, in the simplicity of my old foam, purple teddy bear, and dirty pillow that I can simply be the real me. I blurted everything that I felt at that moment. I asked Jesus all the why’s because I know that when I get to heaven, I will not be so concern about the why’s. His presence must be so overwhelming and paradise must be so beautiful. But for now, I am living here on earth where there is a genuine spiritual battle. I ate my tears in the quest for all the why’s? I tagged Him to be so unfair and I can’t accept that I did not make it. I appeared to be so composed in the office, holding all the tears deep within but my heart cried louder than the cry of a hungry child. In all my whinings and murmurings like a little child, I found myself saying that at the end of the day, His throne remains unmovable despite my groaning. His rulers aren’t threatened by my why’s. Having fully known that He knows the whereabouts of my heart, I slept in the knowledge that the next day will be my last day in the company of which I started to love.

I woke up having bulging eyes, ready to ┬áaccept that the end is over. I reported to work with so much peace. My mind says it’s over but my heart says differently as well. In the natural, wherever I look, I know I missed it. Then my team mates were called and came back in a jovial mood.

Then my turn. I went ready. I just know that I will accept my defeat gracefully. I think others were thinking too that I can’t make it. They saw how I performed too slow and what a slow learner I was. I was even surprised over how hard I had to catch up.

But I was caught with a surprise. My trainor looked at me and said,

“I don’t know but I have a soft spot for you and I just want to see you in the floor. You have no attitude problem and when you enter the room, you lightened the room. Congratulations, you are endorsed.”

I wanna cry like there is no tomorrow. Unknown to me, even before the endorsement took place, the Lord has already been working behind the scene for me. And because what I see is just too limited, I questioned the One who sees the end from the beginning.

“To the Lord, I am a little child. I asked. I cried. I smiled. I questioned. I grumbled. I pouted. Because to me, He is not my Boss. He is my Father. He is my best friend. He is my constant companion. I cried to Him. I laugh with Him. I boldly speak about Him and for the most part, He works behind the scene to protect me.”

The place where I am is so challenging. Their beliefs and philosophy in life is so different from me. Christians who are in my place hide behind the locker, scared to tell about Jesus. It’s easier to join in than to stand up and make the difference.

But I just know, that the way I conduct my life in the workplace reflects the ONE I worship and love. I tell them about His love and I trust that He will be the one who will touch their hearts.

The Jesus I know is not just the Jesus written in the Book but a Living God who touches human hearts.

Thank you so much Lord.